Messed Up

Have you ever felt so messed up, you just want to stop and fix it? But the thing is, you can't press pause or stop. You gotta multi-task, fixing your life while there are a ton of things going on a t once. I admire those people who seem to have it all in control so easily. It's as if they're on a programmed routine, never to miss anything.

I am a mess right now. I've got a lot of things that are continuously piling up and I really don't know why. Being a student of science, I have formulated a couple of reasons or hypotheses as to why i have been acting as such.

I'll just count as I go on, I don't really know how many there are anyway. First, the Internet. i just can't control myself from clicking on that chrome and the black and yellow bird logo. In some way I feel so disconnected from the outside world when I'm not online. I get the feeling of anxiety of not knowing what's going on. to be honest, this should be controlled or solved easily, but it's so difficult.

Second, I am on lag mode. Yes, it's been 3 weeks since school started but I still got the sleep hangover. That's probably my third reason, I sleep too much. I haven't gotten used to the whole "just 4 hours of sleep and I'm good to go" sort of thing.

I have all these reasons but there are just for rationalizing. The real problem is ME. I've lost self-control, self-discipline; I've basically lost myself. There was a day/time in my life that I became the most productive person I've ever encountered. I sure hope that starting today, or maybe tomorrow, I'd be able to be that person again.

I must admit that I'm competitive, and I guess I just have to challenge myself since being in competition with my friends is useless.

So there, I've presented my problem, set out the causes, and found a solution to it. I hope that when you read this or have finished reading it, you will be inspired to try to make yourself better. Make yourself a better person not for anybody else, although I must say that this is easier, but for yourself. As they say, love yourself first before you can reach out to other people.