Mistaken Identity

Have you ever been asked by someone of you know that you're coming off a certain way? Perhaps, arrogant? childish? too whatever? And sometimes you tell them that you do know it and sometimes you do acknowledge that you come off as the way they described you but somehow, it still hurts inside to actually hear these negative things rolling out someone else's tongue?

You know for a fact that you have accepted yourself; you've acknowledged every positive every negative thing about you. So why are you hurting? Why do you feel that pain of the pinch of reality? Because that's the thing. It's REALITY.

You may have acknowledged yourself to be that but deep inside you still hope that it's not true. That thought that people see you differently. Then one day, someone validates what you thought about yourself.

Tell you what... It's normal to feel that way and as long as nobody else is hurting and if you're comfortable in your own skin and you're doing good to everybody else then shake it off and stand proud as hell.

Don't be afraid to be yourself.

Best Friend

The only time I have called someone my BEST FRIEND was way back in 2nd grade, if I can remember correctly. I was ignorant back then and was so easily fooled; always had thought that a best friend is someone who you hang out with most of the time in school and after school. A best friend is a person who you share your secrets with not knowing that he/she shares your secrets to others as well. I thought way back then that a Best Friend is someone who your mom knows and welcomes into your home and let's you hang out with him/her.

But as I lived my life throughout the years after that one fateful day that my Best Friend and I had to go on our separate ways, I have learned what a Best Friend really is. Although my concept of a true Best Friend is based on movies and TV Series. I have accumulated all of those things and I have formed a concept of what a Best Friend is.

In my opinion, a True Best Friend is someone who is always there when you need them. Someone who always offers his/her shoulder when you need to cry or lends an ear when you need to rant. A person who is capable of making you happy even though you think that you are in deep depression and nothing in the world can make you smile. That one person who comes running to you wherever you are just because you need help or just because you need a hug. A best friend is always willing to do anything for me. A person who would know that I love surprises and would go the extra 1,000miles just to make me feel special.

And all throughout those years that I had this concept in my head, the more the reality is slapping me in the face and keeps on telling me that this kind of person does not exist at all. Reality tells me that I can keep on dreaming but it will never come. There is not one person in this earth who will love you more than your family, who will love you more than yourself, and who will love you more than him/her self.

This realization resulted to me not being able to identify any close friend of mine as a BEST FRIEND. I enforce to my other friends that I am the BESTEST BEST FRIEND they have ever had, but it wasn't that way. I was trying to be my own concept of a Best Friend thinking that they would return the favor to me and be that way. But it was just a sea of disappointments when I knew I gave more than I had to give but gained nothing except for their friendship.

The Golden Rule: Do unto others what you want others do unto you, isn't always true. I have,  for so many years now, done to others what I want others to do to me. It never happens. I just don't want my expectations to be further crushed and so I have resolved to not calling any of my friends my Best Friend.

But your opinion of a Best Friend is different from mine and you may have found your Bestest Best Friend in the whole wide world and you might think that I'm just bitter because I haven't gotten one yet; I respect you. If you have a TRUE Best Friend right now, cherish them; they're really hard to find and to get.

Tell it to me straight

Why can't people just tell it to me straight?

When my parents ask me to go do an errand, they have to ask me if I'm going to a certain place and when. Can't you just fcking tell me that I have to go there to get a fcking errand done?!

and when my friend asked me if i saw the photo, can't he just fcking tell me what specific photo it is?

Why does everybody have to be so vague?

Why can't you just go straight to the fcking point so no one gets pissed?!

Social Networking

Social Networking

Nowadays people have been accustomed to the social networking sites. We’ve probably gotten so hooked up already that every event in our lives the very second that it happened, we’d want the world to know. How on earth did the World Wide Web got this addictive?

Just like that, I stopped for a couple of minutes or even seconds just to tweet that my dad already bought me a meal and I am hoping that I would get to chow down on it the minute the plane touches down.

I have come to realize that the answer to my question a while back would have to come from me. Well, not everybody is addicted to the internet, in fact others just create an account and never really use it. Plus, due to individual differences our reasons vary although some might be common.

I shall rephrase then my question, Why am I addicted to the World Wide Web?

I could name a few reasons as to why I have become so dependent on this technology that doesn’t seem new yet it evolves so rapidly. Who knew that the only thing I got to do on the internet was to search for stuff and send e-mails. Now I could chat with my friends in real time, post pictures, search myself or rather Google myself, I can buy stuff, and what not.

Going back to the original agenda, I am addicted to the internet for a couple of reasons. The first would probably be, I have no real social life. I don’t get to go out of the house so much because I am such a good daughter and I follow my mom’s orders even if she is not with me in the house out of FEAR. Yes, I fear my mother whether or not she is physically with me.

You might ask, is a social life on the internet not real? Well, it is… it’s just that I’d like to classify things by categorizing them as the real thing or the not so real thing. I do have friends outside of the World Wide Web and yes, I do get to interact with them every day, but I need something from them which can only be given through the power of the World Wide Web thus bringing me to my next reason.

You see, the internet (what the hell I should just name names), Facebook has been used these days primarily for information dissemination. Since almost everyone is on facebook, student body representatives or student leaders, even teachers thought, Hey I could get to more people on facebook and this way no one would accuse me of not announcing the information. No, this is not a rationalization as to why I check my Facebook every so often. It’s the real reason.

I guess those two reasons would just have to be my two major reasons, as for the minor reasons, well… I just feel important everytime someone tweets me, or likes my status or comments on it. And I’d like to think that this is the primary reason why we are ALL addicted to the internet. We somehow feel important to people, whether we know them or not.

Somehow we feel that we have been neglected in the real world that we have created another real world where we would be somehow acknowledged. I mean, face it, you get that nice feeling when you get a notification that someone liked your post. 

Don't Know What's Going On

As my head spins round and round not knwing what's going on anymore, it still keeps on thinking and thinking about all the things that's supposed to be going on. I have other things more important to type than this thought of mine, but I need a break.

Have you ever felt that there's so many things to do but when you think about it, you have lesser things to do than you originally thought. But then you start to lie low and talk yourself into just relaxing because you've got a small quantity of job that's left to be done. Then you realize after a while that you've been relaxing too much and once again, that small quantity turns into a large one and you start to over-think.

Anxiety. Stress. This is what kills me. If I were to die right now, my cause of death might be due to palpitation. This is what I deal with, what we deal with, in our day to day lives and are you not suprised that you're still alive?

Life.Is.A.Cycle. We do one thing and then it leads to another and so on and without us realizing, it already went full circle to the one event that triggered it all.

Graduation. So near yet so far. There are a lot of obstacles to go through and just when you see the light, you see the hurdles more clearly. Sometimes, it's vague. It's vague because you just don't want to see it. You choose not to see it. You choose to not be in reality and hide in your little happy bubble not minding about the things to be done. But just like everything, it ends. As we roll, roll, roll in our happy bubble, we come across and obstacle that eventually pops our happy bubble and reality laughs its evil laugh and we're lost.

Lost. Where have we gone to? We're too engrossed with ourselves that when we come to realize what date it is, we have no idea how we got there. if you look back at your life, I hope that you would be amazed and think to yourself, "How the hell was I able to get here?" And let this be your motivation when faced with difficult times. You got to the next level because you survived the previous ones. You.Can.Do.It.

My 2011 Year Ender

It has been quite a while since I've written or typed or published a year-ender blog entry.  It's quite odd that I look back at the year 2011 and I think to myself, "Crap! What happened? I can't remember a thing." And so I probably have lost grip on the things that have been happening and might have been too focused on the tasks at hand that I have forgotten what as happened in the year that was, 2011.


I shall now try to go back through the months of 2011 and try to see if I have learned anything. Or just stating all my learnings and realizations here would be helpful to me and to you, whoever you are reading this entry. I hope that by the end of this entry, I have been reminded of the things that was 2011 and that you have learned something from me. I'm very much hoping that you would be touched somehow by whatever I will type in this entry of mine. So here goes nothing...


Realization #1:


Take Risks. Take risks only if you are prepared to face the consequences and challenges of the action that you have done. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that if  you think that it's worth taking the risk, then take it but be sure that no matter what the consequence of your actions are that you will learn from it and store it in your inventory as part of your arsenal of surviving this game called life.


Realization #2:


Opposites attract each other, but there's a roughly around 10% chance that you'd find someone who's the same as you are and still be in a very good relationship. It's just that when you wanna find someone who will be your long time partner, don't go judging them at first look like, "Oh! He/She is different from me. I think we'll be good together." 


Then again, who am I to tell you how to look for that lifetime partner when I don't even have a boyfriend. I have been single since birth but I give out pretty good relationship advice.


Realization #3:


Realizations come from the most unlikely places. You know how people tell you that things happen for a reason? Well, it's true. Everything does happen for a reason, but not all reason to everything is meant to be figured out. There would be awesome days where you would just tell yourself, "Oh, so that's why this happened" or "Oh, that's why I was here and I made that decision." But some or most of the time, you just don't know why but you're put into a favorable situation. You might even just realize something else.


Realization #4:


Love the people, Hate the job. Have you ever felt like going to work and thinking, "Crap! I hate my job!" but then all of a sudden you see the people you work with and you're all, "Good thing I have these people around me." You see, you just have to find one thing that's good in every situation. I think that's one of the keys to survival.


Realization #5:


If you need help, seek help. This could mean a lot of things from how to do simple tasks to how to cope with life. Every person in this world needs help with something. We live symbiotically meaning what I do benefits you. But you may have the question, what if what he does, doesn't benefit me at all? Well then what you're doing might benefit him. Still symbiotic, right?


So I guess at the end of it all...I still remain the same person as I was last year. Although there might have been minor changes, but I'd like to think that my values and virtues are still the same. The events of everyday life makes us change in such a way that we figure out how to deal, cope, adapt, to the ever progressing days of our lives.


My final say is that: We shouldn't just make the Final Day of a YEAR important, but we must cherish EACH DAY of the YEAR because it only happens once. We may not remember each day but at least somehow, we should hope that we have learned something from it. :)


Cheers to a new year. You're 2011 may have been rough and bitter and dark but there's always a brand new day. A brand new day to change the way things are. Oh, and don't think too much about the future because that's why you tend to forget today. :)


One more think, count your blessings..it makes you all giddy inside even if you have counted just one, but I doubt it.


Thank you for taking time to read this. That's one blessing I've counted, already. :">

Re: What I Should and Will Be Doing

After a week, I have done nothing out of all the things that I publicly committed to doing. Looks like public commitment doesn't work for me. Or maybe it's because there wasn't a single person asking me how I'm doing about the things that I intended to do.


The lesson here is, feedback is important. No matter what you are doing, you need someone to tell you how you're doing or just to check up on you. It's all part of communication and understanding.


That is all.